Anything & Everything Off-Topic (Some material may be offensive)
User avatar
By jred
#343505 Saw this on another forum, and the stuff people was coming up with was hilarious.
All you have to do is just make up a funny or weird scenario.

These examples were some of the funniest one's IMO:

What if Hulk Hogan walked out of your closet naked and put you in a headlock?

What if you were using a urinal and a guy walks up to the urinal next to you, pulls his pants all the way down to his ankles and while he is urinating starts asking you personal questions about your life?

Lets hear what you guys can come up with?! :thumb:
User avatar
By eg84dr
#343508 (this did not happen to me)
meet a chick at a local bar, hook up with her a few times,
few weeks later your dad tells you that you have a half sister from a high school fling he had,
she lives in town, its the girl you hooked up with :shock: :shock:
User avatar
By jred
#343509 ^^:lol: that would be awkward

What if Bruce Willis was hosting a BBQ over your house naked, and when he was handing out the ribs he dragged his balls in your mash potatoes?
User avatar
By TrailerTrash
#343516 your sister is hanging out with your mothers sisters husbands sisters husbands dads 2nd wifes son

your mother's sister's husband's brother is dating your mother

true story
ByGuest
#343518 grandfather married his sister inlaw
true story :?
User avatar
By teal_dx
#344301 I have a couple good stories I have came across over the years on another honda forum I still frequent. I'm sure I'm leaving out details so I'm going to type them quick.

A guy in college was into body building and was on some new supplement that gave him some shits. He also had a hot date with some college girl. They go out, end up doing some drinking, back to her dorm room for some more drinking, banging and passing out in bed.

Guy wakes up sometime in the early AM to the stench of shit. He diharrea'd all over himself, the bed etc. Chick was still passed out, buck naked. He gets up, wipes him self as best as he could with his boxers, and then wipes them on her ass & leg. He then gets dressed, put he boxers in a grocery bag and sneaks out quietly, throwing them away in the first outside garbage can he can find.

He figured the girl wakes up, thinks she shit herself sometime after he had already left, but she isn't 100% sure if it was before he left or not. So he never called her and she never called him because they were waiting for the other person's first response.
:lol:
User avatar
By teal_dx
#344302 Another one is kind of long... I went back to the other forum and found it, so nothing is lost in translation.


To preface the story, I should tell you that recently, I have given up the random sex and especially the random CRAIGSLIST sex, and I've been putting in real effort on trying to find someone I really care about to "settle down" with. I just miss being in a GOOD relationship.

So I've been dating. A LOT. And not going out of my way to sleep with the women. Problem is, most of these women aren't making it past 3 dates. (I don't waste time, if there isn't a connection... I don't lead anyone on or anything... I let em know, and move on) So, therefore, I end up not sleeping with them. It is in this way, that I've only had sex a total of 3 times in 2012, with two different women. Less than once a month, for those of you playing along at home. Not nearly as often as I'm used to, but I was doing fine with that until recently.

I finally couldn't take it anymore this weekend, and with a 3.5 day weekend looming ahead, I decided to hit up craigslist just for the fuck of it. Something/someone new and fun.

some pics from the thread
Image
Here is the ad I came across.

As you can guess... I responded.




Here is the ad I came across.

As you can guess... I responded.



We emailed back and forth a bit, exchanged pictures (I sent a pic of my dick, she responded favorably, and then asked me if I was comfortable to send face pics... She started, I replied.)



Image
Image

She showed me her facebook (which matched her email address and name)
[facebook profile link redacted]

and then she asked if it was cool if she text messaged me.

Mind you, I've given up NO personal information, wouldn't friend her on facebook, was using a fake spam email address, etc.

The only personal info I gave was my cell #.

So we start texting.

I ask the obvious questions:

Image
Image
Image
So, she ends up asking if I'm free that night... and after much texting back and forth, I tell her that I am free. She says she will text me when her bf is asleep, and I say ok.

We continue to text back and forth, I get an elaborate set of directions and instructions, and she gives me a time. I'm to drive to the house, and park out on the road next to her mailbox, and walk up the driveway. If things are clear there will be a candle lit in the kitchen window. IF it's out, I'm to go home and we can reschedule. I'm supposed to (VERY QUIETLY) sneak into the kitchen, find the glory hole, and without a word just stick my dick in.

It is at this point, when I'm getting ready and going over my "instructions" that I realize how crazy what I'm considering doing *really* is!!! But, I've always had a glory hole fantasy (probably because I'm a sexual deviant), so I think about it for a second, and figure some things out.

So, thinking I need to be as safe as possible... I call up my two best friends and I give them full details of what's going down. I'm supposed to be at this chicks house for 9pm, so I tell them if I don't text BOTH of them by 9:30, they're to come looking for me. I give them this chicks facebook, "real" name, address, phone number, pictures, I send copies of the emails.

Everything.

Now, consider for a second that I myself am a pretty big guy (not that it would matter if someone really wanted to hurt me, I'm no tough guy) at about 6'6'' 220lbs, BUT! to be safe I also brought a baseball bat in my car, and a very large knife on my person just in case, LOL. Taking some risk is one thing... being stupid is another.

So I drive out to this town next to mine, go up this desolate road (literally, it turned to packed dirt about a 1/4 of a mile from the address) and get to the mailbox that this woman described..

I park and lock my car and walk quietly up the driveway to this tiny log cabin house. Everything is as-described. There's a candle in the window (remember, this is signifying that all is clear to come in), the porch and door are exactly as she described... So I take a deep breath and walk up the steps. I quietly open the door and enter into a small, but spotlessly clean house... and have a mini-panic attack. I'm in a strangers house, they're probably waiting to kill me, Why do this for a blow-job, what the fuck is wrong with me, etc.

I take another deep breath and decide that I'm here, I need to make a decision, or leave right that very second. I stand there for a second and think, and decide that if I already went through all this, I might as well get something for it... and a blowjob sounds like a decent reward.

But then, I can't figure out where I'm supposed to stick my cock I don't want to like, explore the house and have something bad happen, so I go to text the girl, and of course, no service. More and more like a serial killer movie all the time, awesome.

I have to leave the house to get service again so I can text her... as I walk off the steps, I get a bar of 3g and she texts me and asks if that was me/why didn't I pull the sign off the hole and go for it. I explain I couldn't find it, she gives me better directions, and I take my third really deep breath of the night, and ascend the steps again.

I follow her directions, see the sign on the door that I have to remove, and remove it. I look through the hole and see what looks like a petite female form... I reach for and undo my belt, then grab the button fly on my jeans and pull out my cock... And have that deeply scary moment of trepidation as I stepped to the door, knife in hand, and slouched to allow myself to lean against the door so I could put my cock through it.

Then came a teeth gritting three seconds of tense, ready fear as I waited for some psycho to cut my dick off and eat it or something, until then... Warm and wet mouth enclosed my dick, and I breathed a deep sigh of relief.

I leaned against that door for a solid 20 minutes as an adept mouth thoroughly sucked my cock. Nearly completely hands-free, lots of tongue (she did this tongue swirling thing that was awesome... got maybe 3/4'' down past my head and would wrap and swirl her tongue around my dick while slightly moving her head up and down)

Then, completely relaxed, the blowjob ended... culminating in a massive orgasm and a pair of very sore knees/quads for me... and a very full mouth for the young lady that was going down on me.

She swallowed every last drop (I assume, I guess... Not like I could see where the cum went, but her mouth never left my cock) and then sucked it clean until it went soft.

At that point I silently laughed to myself at the absurdity of the night in its entirety... quietly removed my dick from the hole, buttoned up my pants, replaced the sign, and tiptoed out the door! I walked grinning up to my car at the end of the driveway, got in, and texted my friends I was safe...

Then I went home. Lol climax.


And then later in the thread, he posted:
I've talked about it with several people now... some friends IRL, some friends from CSi...

It's a pretty even split... some seem to think there is a very good chance that it was a guy that sucked my dick. A few say its probably just a kinky woman...

And ya know what? I don't give a fuck at all.

I'm not attracted to men, and honestly if I could look down and see a man going down on me, it would ruin it for me. Would it still feel good? Yeah, it would probably feel better than most women LOL. But again, just not attracted to men.

But I couldn't see who was going down on me, and therefore it doesn't matter who went down on me. I enjoyed it, it felt great, I got home safe... Fuck it.

After hearing my stance on the matter, My friends asked whether I THOUGHT it was a man or a woman, and... Honestly? I think it was a woman. And that's not just wishful thinking... Hear me out. The story is ridiculous but not out of the question. There are many slutty women on the planet, and IMO if a gay man wanted to suck cock through a glory hole... the m4m section on craigslist is booming, why not just do it that way? The womans facebook is real, we have mutual friends on facebook, she sent multiple pictures, and the glory hole she sent me a pic of looks exactly like the hole I used. (not that this means anything)

The form I saw a silouhette of through the hole looked feminine, and the hands were soft and small (again none of this really means anything) and there were some small quiet womanly moans while I was getting head.

Finally there were two cars in the driveway. A heavy duty chevy pick-up, and a toyota camry with a lei hanging from the rearview and some other womanly accouterments in it.

Again, just presenting things as I saw them... Its probably just as likely that it was a dude as it was a woman, and I've fully come to the realization I 90% don't care. While I was getting head I imagined that cute chick I got pictures of, and got some pretty good head


The end.

:lol: you never know, but I say if it sounds too good to be true.... it probably is! There could have been a dude on the other side filming the whole thing to sell as porn.
User avatar
By jred
#344330 That glory hole one; the guy had balls to go through with that, it was so sketchy..
I've had random girls i met on facebook and on the chat asking me to meet up for random sex and stuff but never showed up fearing for my life and all...I guess sometimes those things are for real, still i wouldn't take the chance though.....
at least he didn't get killed and got a BJ :thumb: